Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

Have any of you seen those Old Navy commercials that are manifesting themselves during commercial breaks like an unwanted ass-wart? You probably know what I'm referring to, and if you're denying it you no doubt have regressed the dreadful memory, and gone with something less traumatizing. Like the time you discovered that superman capes will not actually enable you to fly (and you only discovered this at the base of that very steep hill).

There's our hapless victim idling around various places always associated with the $-mas season: stores in shopping malls; bakeries; their closet. Suddenly, they are accosted by a ragtag and badly-dressed group of kids, teens and desperate actors in their early 20's. (Actually, I'd be hiding in my closet if I knew these bozos were stalking me.) Before our hapless victim can use their pepper spray or yet "Cut!", someone blows on a harmonica (actually, I argue they all blow, but that's just my amateurish opinion), and they all start to sing. Or to be more specific, they all start to engage in some sort of off-key caterwauling that could be called singing. I've heard dead cats fuck with more harmony than these people.

But what are they singing? Something redemptive? Something Superfreakish? Oh, it's not a Christmas song or carol they're torturing, mind you. No, no. They use a melody that bears some resemblance to a horribly mangled version of some well-known tune like "Jingle Bells." Instead of the usually cheery and festive words we've come to know and love from a song like, oh "Jingle Bells", this group of ravenous and colourfully-dressed monsters launch into some uninspired dreck about last-minute shopping and how Old Navy will save your ass with inexpensive brand-name clothes.

And their smiles! My God, did they all get shot up with Prozac or Botox before shooting this commercial? I can almost see the coarse humanity seeping out of the corners of their mouths as they try and try to emote. But it just doesn't work. What I think was intended to be a witty and sentimental commercial that tugs on the seasonal heartstrings of us all managed to take a bad concept, and create a painfully limp commercial that switches our heartstrings with piano wire and then tries to strangle us with it.

Though oddly enough these Old Navy commercials do bring a smile on my face. Mostly because I imagine what would happen if this crew showed up at a store my friends and I happened to be at. Once their rousing rendition of "Oh dear God, I repent of all my evil, just make the hurting stop!!" ends, and the little boy makes some inspid remark whilst holding up the Old Navy sign, I consider my reaction to it.

It would probably involve a bunch of the group all desperately trying to hold back one of us from charging. And I'm shouting, "No, Roupen, not the beam cannon! They're right in front of the cookies! You'll take the cookies out with them!"

So please, end these Old Navy ads before innocent cookies get hurt. Won't someone think of the cookies?

Today's Discovery: Shady will yowl pitifully along with Menchi during Excel Saga's closing song.


posted by Phillip at 8:27 PM